This is especially true now as I write this from my childhood home in Fremont, California.
Having grown up in Fremont and with the majority of my family still living here, this should be the one place where I feel most at home. But it's not. To be honest, there isn't a place where I feel more out of place and alien. Having moved out of the house when I was 19 years old, I find I have next to nothing in common with most of the friends and family members who have remained. It's pretty sad, and I find it depressing.
To long-term travelers, "home" is no longer a place of residence or somewhere completely familiar. The idea of having a "home" gets replaced with temporary spaces to leave your things; a series of fleeting moments of rest in hotels, hostels, airport lounges, overnight bus and/or trains, a kind stranger's couch, or sometimes, even just out underneath the stars.
 |
| Not quite feeling at homey on an overnight bus in Vietnam |
For all intents and purposes, long-term travelers are essentially "home"-less.
But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Is it?
In my Facebook profile, I describe myself as a "happy homeless girl wandering across the world, lost somewhere between the earth and the sky..." Being without a home has never been much of a problem for me, but sometimes, particularly in those extremely rare moments when I feel out of place and isolated from my environment, the sense of homelessness can be jarring. Fortunately, I soon get swept up in the thrill of exploring the new sights around me and I am back to being myself.
 |
| Happy and homeless in India |
In general, I still see myself as a happy homeless girl and the more I travel the world, the more I've come to realize that "home" isn't necessarily a specific place, but rather a sense of belonging.
I feel most at ease striking up conversations with complete strangers on the street. I feel most like my true self when the excitement and momentum of daily challenges and discoveries drive me forward. I feel most comfortable when I'm lost and wandering in unfamiliar locations, with no particular destination in mind.
Yes, it's true; I feel most at home when I don't know what the heck is going on around me.
My home is the road and that's where I belong.
And if that requires more nights in strange beds in small towns, so be it. I'm not ready to give up this home. Not just yet.
© Connie Hum 2012
I agree! I've actually considered myself as a citizen of planet earth bc I feel I don't really have a "home". :) I'm just pleased that my whole family is also obsessed with traveling and that's something we'll always have in common. :) my brother Marc is in Lombok right now! Dee is going to st. Maarten next mo and I'm going back to gnd for a bit in aug. and u know Steve is a pilot who flies internationally now! Anyway I like this post bc it's also how I feel, see u soon!
ReplyDeleteThat's a great way to see yourself, and you certainly are! Looking forward to seeing you soon too!
DeleteGreat post! I love my home but feel the way you describe when I'm on the road. It's that thrill of discovery!
ReplyDeleteThanks! Yes, nothing beats that feeling of discovering something new!
DeleteWhen I first started traveling, I dreaded the thought of going back to the States. However, these days I'm excited about it. I used to think if I went back I wouldn't be a traveler anymore, but I've realized over the years that it's not the place but the lifestyle you lead and the people you surround yourself with that make travel as well as day to day life great. Plus America is huge and we can work anywhere there. Pretty fortunate to have so many options at home. Enjoy being back with family and friends and i can't wait to read about your adventures!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! I'm definitely going to enjoy my time in the States, especially starting next week when I get back to New York City!
DeleteOMG! I've read almost all your posts and I didn't know you're from Fremont, CA. I grew up in Union City, which is next city over to Fremont! I lived there for 16 years! Since traveling around the world and relocating to Taiwan I haven't felt the desire to go back. I only go back once every 1-2 years to visit immediate family. And what you said is true. My friends feel alien to me. The city feels so...empty. Every time I go back, I feel like I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like the conversation with friends back at home is getting less and less meaningful. It's been reduced to "where do you work now?" Or "Are you seeing anyone?" I feel like we have such different lives now. They can't fathom why I would decide to live in Taiwan or why I travel so much and I can't imagine living in that sleepy little town all their lives. The connection between me and them is getting thinner. I'm not sure if that makes sense to you but I guess I'm just trying to say that I totally get how you're feeling.
ReplyDeleteSmall world! I know exactly how you feel! I also only come back every couple years to see immediate family. Congratulations on getting out and experiencing more of the world!
DeleteConnie! I wish you the best. It's been 8 months since I returned to Cali after my journey around the world, and I still don't feel at home. I keep the travel spirit alive by continuing to crash couches (I really AM homeless!) and exploring as much as I can.
ReplyDeleteBut there's a sense of disconnect with my old friends. Sometimes I feel like the only people who "get" me are other travelers and internationals.
Fear of living a "normal" life is a feeling I can't seem to shake either. I am constantly seeking newness and excitement, and finding myself bored really easily. After years of backpacking and being mentally/emotionally/physically stimulated on a regular basis, it's difficult to transition to "normal" life again.
I wouldn't go so far as to say it's depressing, but it's certainly not an easy transition.
Just remember you can always pick up and go again ;) I think that's the route I'll be taking! In any case, you're not alone - you'll always have your fellow long-term travelers to help you get through it! Good luck and welcome "home" :D
Hi Thy! Thanks for the lovely note. It's good to know that I'm not alone with feeling this way! You're right, it's not depressing in that can't-get-out-of-bed kind of way, but it's saddening to feel so disconnected from the people and places you once felt so intimate with. I'm definitely heading back on the road soon too. NYC in less than a week, in fact!
DeleteWhat about you? What are your upcoming plans?
Nice! I'm sure you'll have a blast in NYC. After your amazing journey, you're wise to come home during summer when it's easier to keep that travel momentum going! Me, I'm just floating on. No plans, no idea what to do next. In a bit of a funk and having some post-travel blues at the moment, but hanging in there and taking it one day at a time!
DeleteThy, remind me where you're located?
DeleteVery well-put. I am offended that with all of these travels, you still haven't visited Iraq :) Come onnnnn! -Jeff
ReplyDeleteIf only it weren't so difficult to get to! :-)
Delete