You remember my "big news" about taking a six-month teaching job in China? And how I said it was going to be a great opportunity and I was looking forward to it?
Well, that just fell through. Apparently, the Education Bureau recently changed its policy on foreign workers and Matt and I no longer are applicable for the working visa.
As the news came upon Matt and I rather suddenly, we're in a bit of a shocked state, trying to figure out where to go and what to do next.
But can I be honest with you? I'm relieved that the job fell through. And here's the bomb of a confession I've been withholding:
I kind of hate China.
There, I said it! I'm sorry, I know a lot of people are on the China train and raving about all the great experiences they had traveling in China but I'm afraid that's just not what I encountered. I wish I had, I really do, but I just didn't and I'm honestly sorry to say that I kind of hate China.
Let's not get into the whys of it right now (but I do promise I will blog more about my time in China and what made me hate it in the near future) but I'm back in Guiyang and had been looking for an apartment, meeting with school administrators, applying for my China work visa and freaking out!
I kept thinking: I hated China, do I really want to live here for six months? Will I be able to overcome this general bad feeling I get from China? Will the people here be nice to me the second time around? And the biggest question of all, will I actually be happy?
I was seriously going out of my mind here but now that the working visa didn't come through, I feel as though the hugest weight has been lifted from my shoulders.
But I also feel a little bummed.
You see, I'm a firm believer that everyone and every thing deserves a second chance. I may not have had the best experiences in China but that doesn't mean that it can't happen. Yes, I was nervous about the next six months of unknowns but isn't that what life is, or at least, should be all about? Taking chances?
Now that I won't have that opportunity, I'm disappointed that I won't get to experience a better China but, like I said, also relieved.
Now what? What do you recommend Matt and I do?
© Connie Hum 2011